It's Good To Be In Love. It Really Does Suit You

My 2 year anniversary with my Rockstar is on Sunday. And after all the posts of how we argue and differ on so many things. I'm in love. Madly, hopelessly and sometimes foolishly. And I know in my heart, in my head and in my bones that he is in love with me too. It's good to be in love.



- Here is to love. Here is to the heart shaped boxes filled with love notes and poems of the unrequited variety and beyond.
The simplistic forms of love. Love that shows itself at 2AM, your eyes growing heavy, but still needing to write a goodnight text to your loved one before you drift off into the land of nod. The first thing you want to see and the last thing you want to see. The butterflies that still take form in your stomach, threatening to flutter out to the surface, even after all this time.
Always.
Here is to the showy forms of love. Thoughtfully bringing your dear's favorite meal and a bottle of virgin sangria to work, just to make a smile out of a long tiring night. Grand gestures of love that take form in a scrapbook of postcards and quotes, peach robe and a travelling steamer trunk.

Here is to giving a girl a piece of her grandfather on a day where she so desperately needed him to be there for her.

Thank you for the smiles, the laugher, the spooning, the soft kisses, the teases and the wise words given whether or not they wanted or needed to be heard. Thank you for everything my dearest Slim. I love you always. I carry you in my heart.

Love always your girl,

Cinnamon,
Pickles,
 Hufflepuff,
 Honey Cunt,
Winston,
Picklepuff,

~Kat ZappE

Tonight We Hear The Sirens Call

Tonight we hear the sirens call.
And maybe tonight it isn't the beautiful mermaid with long silken hair, beckoning you to come with her, to dive in into her limitless tides. Calling out to you, singing your name sweetly and softly. She wants you and only you. To come swim with her. Lose yourself in the waters and the magic. Twisting and twirling your body, merely another weightless appendage to the seas vast body.

Instead, tonight may be the night where you aren't sure if the siren is calling to take you away on a stretcher or to see a new view behind cold steel plated bars. In a city where quietness causes uneasiness, it is hard to know to whom you should be prepared to meet.

No matter the call, be ready and willing to dive on in.

~ Kat ZappE

The Struggles of Not Yet Being A 20 Something

Sometimes I get really worried that I won't be any one important. I'm not even 20 yet and I'm afraid I will never have a career that I love. It's sort of that constant loop you know?

"What if I don't get in the program that I need? What if I don't get the grades I need to succeed? What if I graduate from school and I can't find a job? What if I get my dream job, but I end up hating it?"

Sometimes I forget about this anxiety and I'm happy. Or I try really hard to be happy. But this anxiety always creeps up on me.
This started today because I was thinking about how much I hate my part time job that I have been at for over a year now. I never always hated, but since I have transferred to a different store it hasn't been the same. And maybe it's just because I haven't been there long enough but I don't get that sense of family that I had at my previous store. I never thought it possible to be homesick for a job. I am thinking about sending out resumes and looking for another job, but I'm terrified I won't make enough money to get by. I'm already really struggling. Do I give up my guaranteed hours and pay, to find another job where I don't know if I will be able to buy groceries?

I could always ask my mother for money. Or even my grandmother for that matter. I get a call from one of them at least once a day asking if I'm doing alright and if I need money. Yes, I really really do need money. I am so broke I don't know how I am getting by. But I can't ask them for it. I some how have encoded in my head that I need to be an adult. I need to learn how to function and be a great adult. And great adults figure it out for themselves. Or at least my version of them do anyway. This model of an adult I have built inside of my head. I can't ask them because that would be cheating. I need to learn from my mistakes. I need to fuck up. And fuck up hugely. To the point where I'm not sure I can recover. But some how I must.

I moved to a new city and I was thinking about an apartment. My friend really wants to move in with me and at a point I really wanted to move in with her. Maybe it was a change of heart or my Rockstar just made me rethink everything, but the thought of getting an apartment with her terrifies me. Now, living in residence and the university we are attending and sharing a dorm together, I welcome that idea. Maybe because it's comfortable. Maybe it's because now I am realizing when it comes to some things, I am terrified of commitment. My Rockstar and I have been together for almost 2 years and not made it 'Facebook Official' and that really truly bothers me. Right down to my core it bothers me because it makes me think he is embarrassed of me or he still wants people to think of him as unattached. I'm not sure really what is the reason. I just know that if this were the 50s I would have been going steady for 2 years and still not have received his letterman jacket or class ring. That is the kind of commitment that I welcome. That I anxiously await. The idea of signing a lease with my friend for a year and living in an apartment with her, scares me. Because I don't know what will happen in a years time. She may not want to live with me. She has her Russian who lives downtown and they may want their own city paradise. I have decided I am no longer going to wait for my Rockstar. He has flip flopped on the idea of us living together, but deep down, I hope he is holding out for when our friend and his roommate is finally done school and he will want to live with me. It is an unrealistic hope, but it makes me fear signing a year lease when I am so unsure of what will happen in a year. This is the reason why I have never signed up for a phone plan before in my life. That is way too far into the future to plan on what phone plan that will suit my lifestyle then.

In some ways that is very funny. I am looking for commitment in my relationship but I can't give other people commitment in my own life. How does that even work?

I'm not yet 20 and I feel like I'm failing adulthood. I'm starting to realize adulthood is not an age but a state of mind. I think that that is already a big step to being an adult.

Unpublished Letters

Dear ____,

I'm not sure if you remember this line from Breakfast at Tiffany's but, "Do you ever get the mean reds?. Not like the blues. The blues is just because it's been raining to long, or you're getting fat, you're sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly your afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?" I have somehow acquired it. I'm now suddenly terrified and I'm not sure why, or what of. I guess, as trivial as it sounds, I'm afraid of being a failure. But everyone is aren't they? I think everyone just wants to know that they are doing okay. We need approval from someone else. And we shouldn't have to, the only approval we should need is from ourselves. I'm getting really scared about going to school again. Are you enjoying school? I miss it. But how do we know that what we are taking isn't a complete waste of time? That we aren't wasting our money and months or years of our lives doing something that we may fail at. Do you ever feel like that? I know you changed your major; how are you enjoying that? Does it feel right for you?

I am truly sorry that I am being such a downer but that's my melancholia creeping up on me. Another thing is the whole living situation. I don't know where to live. Or how to even go about the whole living situation thing. It's quite a long story, that I won't get into unless you are very interested in reading, but my manfriend is in E-town, and well, I'm not. I don't know, do I ask to move in with him if I am accepted into my program? It is in the area of the city that I need to be in to be going to school (it would be about a 15 minute bus ride to campus). But it's not just him and I that I need to factor in. There are his roommates and one very small dog. And what if they don't want me? And what if he doesn't want me? And what if he doesn't want me now but he does later, but by the time later comes around I'm living across town and it isn't practical finding a place for the two of us? How long do I wait for him? How long should I wait? Why should I wait? I'm scared that I am waiting for a man who doesn't want me. And it makes me sad. What did you do? How long did you wait until you knew you shouldn't anymore? When did you decided you didn't want to keep trying to make her happy? I do love talking to you. I'm sorry this letter's topic isn't as light hearted as our letters usually are.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Until next time my Huckleberry friend,

K

Home..

Sometimes, in my nomadic state of life as of current, I feel like I don't have any place to call home. I use to like the idea of being a drifter. Just me and my love moving through the world, without a care in the world, landing where ever we felt we should rest our heads for the night. This isn't taking a jab at my boyfriend (my love), but I don't have that romantic sense of life as a nomad. I drift from his place to my friends place. I just feel like a drifter. No where and no body to call home. But, I remain hopeful. Hopefully soon in my future this will change. Come July I will have a more definite answer. I am currently deciding between two cities. One to live with my rockstar and his bandmates, becoming and full time groupie and fashionista supreme, OR moving alone. Moving alone with my dog in a beautiful 1 bedroom apartment and taking on school and fashion among various things. For the longest of time, I thought I would only be content with the decision of moving away as long as I was following my rockstar. Now, I think I would be happy with either decision. Both have challenges of their own, and different demons that would need to be faced, but in both outcomes, I would have a home. Home. Because sometimes, home should be more than just a place you rest your head at night.

~ Kat ZappE

The One

Have you ever found this one song, that it's lyrics describe your life perfectly to the T of what is happening in your life and the emotions and everything that you are going though?
Before I tell you what this song is, let me just give you a little recap of my life as of current. I seem to not every say much about my current life as happening seeing as I have this horrible tendency not to blog very much.

So my life as of current, for lack of a better term and I don't mean to say this as a pity party to make you feel bad for me, is shit. My relationship with my family has gone straight down the tubes. And when I say my family I mean my mother and my youngest sister, who I have spent my life growing up with and who I was sharing a house with until recently. Now I love my mother and my sister with all of my heart. But they are no longer good for me in my life. My mother has gone through 2 divorces, the second (my father) was the worst of all. By the time I was about 10 or 11 she was just really exhausted after raising her two oldest kids, that she sort of wanted a second try at the dating game that she never had in her 20s and kind of gave up as a mother. Don't get me wrong she had her moments at times and to be completely honest I probably wouldn't be the person I am today without having someone like her in my life. But recently, since my high school years, we no longer get a long and more often than not it feels as though I am the parent and she is the angsty hormonal teenager. I just could no longer handle it and now our relationship has become very strained.

As for my little sister, let's just say she is a total 10. She is drop dead gorgeous. Like perfect hourglass figure, the hair, the skin, the teeth, the whole 9 yards. Men and boys alike have always wanted her when we were growing up and I am sure that is how it will be for the rest of her life. I have always felt somewhat insecure about how I look because of this, and though growing up my sister and I have tried and sometimes were each others best friend, my sister would play on my insecurities. If she didn't get her way she would threaten to 'steal' whatever boy I had been crushing on, saying how easy it would be to take them away from me. She would also tell me how fat and ugly I was, making me even more insecure about myself so I would never dare challenge her. This was just our relationship, and I'm sorry to say that I would pretty much do whatever to please her and be her sister so we could keep some form of 'friendship'. But as we got older, I grew some back bone. And when I hit high school, mainly in my second year, I started to stand up for myself and wouldn't take her cruelties. I must say though, sometimes they would really get the best of me. And in grade 12 her words got worse and it was on a daily basis that she would tell me that 'I am a waste of skin. Not worth the air I breathe. A burden on my family and everyone around me. I am a fat sack of shit that will never amount to anything except maybe become an overweight middle aged woman managing a McDonalds. I am a useless human being and I should do everyone a favor and just kill myself.' Yeah. Now, I may have my 1950s vision of what a family is, but family should never ever say that to family. And I struggled with depression and after being barraided by such comments like that I would think to myself "If a member of my family thinks that then it would have to be true right? They would never say such things like that if it wasn't true would they?" It took a long time to realize that what she was saying couldn't be any further from the truth.

So, after I had moved back from school, coming home to what I thought was going to be a happy mother and sister, it couldn't have been further from the truth. My mother rarely spoke to me and all my sister would say would be these nasty  things. After one faithful evening of my sister pulling over the side of the road and telling me to "fucking getting out of the car" and that she would drop me off in Lower Fairview and couldn't careless if I were raped or killed, that was my push point. I needed to not be living with these people. Luckily however, I have absolutely wonderful friends. My dear dear friend, let's call her B.A (and yes it does stand for bad ass) offered to take me in. So I packed my things, informed my mother of where I would be and I left. It was a very good decision and quite the turning point I needed. It still doesn't quite feel like home yet but I hope that it will soon. I spend most of my time with my rockstar at his house, which I do secretly hope I would live in ( I think we are ready to take that step but we have this fear of talking about the big things so I need to pull up my big girl pants and do it). I still really miss my room, my bed, and my dog most of all. I still get sad thinking about all of these things and I have to hold back my tears and swallow the lump in my throat. I have to remind myself that I'm here and that there are better things out there for me. My mother use to say when I was little that life is a show and you have to choose who is in your front row wisely. People who are toxic in your life you have to let out in the balcony. Only this time, I have to put her out in the balcony of my life.

Now, after that long and depressing story this is where the song comes in. Every look on your history of facebook and find the songs you had posted to yours or a friends wall? Well that is precisely what I did today and I rediscovered a band that I had once deeply loved; Angus and Julia Stone. I was listening to their "For You" and decided to look at more of their songs. And then I found this one; "I'm Here, I'm Not Here". It made me feel sad and hopeful at the same time. It feels like what I feel right now if that makes any sense. With lyrics like "I'm living in this room and I don't really want to. I'm living in this home and I don't really want to." Is exactly how I feel about my living situations and what not. I hope you all enjoy it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=T6DJcgm3wNY

I Wish I Was 25...

Sometimes, I just wish I was 25. Because most if not all of the time I feel older than the age I actually am. In my mind, by 25 I'd like to be married. I feel weird at the age I am (which is 7 years away from 25) to always be reading on the merits of veils, watching reality shows on wedding dresses and competitions on who has the best wedding. I would like to settle down and move in with someone who will grow old with me. I crave for that intense love that even though it may not be as passionate as it once was in the beginning, you still see that flicker and spark in their eyes. Oh and yes, I want a house. I want my own house so badly. After the year I have had with moving around and bouncing from place to place, I would love to have my own house to share with my rockstar of a boyfriend. Have somewhere where I can decorate as I please, stock my own kitchen and sit and relax and smile looking on at my handy work. Really, all I really want is a place to call home and someone to call home with. I want the normalcy and stability that I never always had. But, until then I will be patiently waiting. Waiting for the day I can open the door and call out " Honey I'm home...."
~ Kat ZappE

My Huckleberry Friend

Hello All.
I am terrible sorry it's been so long since I've been here. Been a whole year in fact. But since I'm in a completely new chapter of my life, what with school, men (yes men, not boys here), a new age bracket, new city; time to start over. Time to start fresh.
Maybe I should start off with a little recap of what has happened in the past year.
Well I finished high school! Oh yes, finally! I went through, I made my mark as stage manager of the high school production, modeled in the grad fashion show, acted, wrote and directed a One Act that brought home 4 awards (beating out my arch rival is a pretty good bonus), made honor roll and graduated in a beautiful dress making me pretty in pink. I made it through the summer, I had some bumpy patches along the way, but you can't cross the moon river unless you make it through the rough.
I found a guy. A man. And if you can said to me months and months ago that I would be with him, I would have thought you crazy. He makes me crazy stupid happy. The kind of happy you feel through to your toes you know? He's a musician of all things ;) Sort of Jim Morrison-esque in a way. Guess that makes me his Pamela Courson.
With the graduating from high school, I just so happen to be doing the university thing. I moved 4 hours from home ( 3 1/2 if you speed ) and I'm giving it the ol' college try. So this is my life now. The new chapter. And hopefully the most interesting. I'll try to keep you up to date on these goings on in this life I have found.
I do hope you stick around friends. My Huckleberry friend.

~ Kat Zappe

One Might Not Be So Lonely

Well my friends I have quite some news to share. I am officially single. Yes I was single a month ago, but now I'm more singular. I do find one is the lonliest number so far, but hey there are plenty of other 1's out there right? Hehe, I was trying to be funny with some type of math joke and I think I failed.

Anywho, today I am writing about the perks of single-dom. Though I haven't yet experienced them myself, here goes. Cause just because you don't have to involve "WE" when ever you are talking to someone else, doesn't mean you aren't allowed anyless of the fun.

10 THINGS TO DO WHILE SINGLE:

1. You don't have to compromise on movie choices, settling for one you really do not want to see
2. You can eat whatever you want! You worries of garlic breath or binding by allergy regulations
3. You get to dress for you. Wearing your comfy sweater because it's comfy gosh darn it and you don't care if it makes you look 80.
4. You don't have to wait around your house trying to find something to do because someone is 10 minutes late to pick you up
5. Ladies: Make up less! You can come home after a long day and wash away all that rouge and foundation and just relax. Who are you trying to impress at home? You're dog?
6. No longer do you have to pretend you like something just because your significant other likes it. "Oh! Basketball! Yippee!" (Not)
7. You can buy things for yourself nothing worrying if it's silly or impractical
8. You can treat yourself out on the night on the town with the ladies or fellas and not about having to include your now 'ex'pendible other
9. You can do what you love and where to afraid or discouraged to do otherwise
10. No more awkward friend hang outs where you never really felt included

So there are somethings you get to do now you don't have 225 lbs. attacted to your hip (that's just a rough approximation). The things you can do for you and not having to worry about making them happy. Right now, I'm not quite ready to do those things, but in due time I know I will. Cause there are things you will miss from being in a relationship. What I'll miss the most? I'll miss the feeling of butterflies. Whenever I use to see my man, my stomach would do flips. Like if I opened my mouth a butterfly would fly out of me. That's how I think you can test if you are in a good relationship or not. If you feel the butterflies wanting to get out. I was only with him for a year, but everyday and every moment I saw him, I'd get that feeling. So everyone, if you feel butterflies, work to keep them. Don't ever settle for nothing less than butterflies. And when you can't quite feel them clanging around in your insides, maybe it's time to find someone else who puts them back
~ Kat ZappE

What Can You Do With A Sentimental Heart?

Hello.
Well I know I have already made a post about goodbyes. But since I just had to say goodbye to that dashing man of mine, possibly for forever, I thought I'd bring up the topic again. I don't how many of you out there have said goodbye to someone you love so so dearly. I'm not talking about death (least not today I feel morbid enough talking about this already). I'm talking about saying goodbye to someone who is still alive, who you still love, who still loves you and having to walk away from it all. Putting your heart on a shelf for awhile, you know, to keep it safe for the mean time.


It's like that little dress you bought having instantly fallen in love with it. The price may have been over what you had expected but you want to make it worth your while because it fits you beautifully and compliments every feature. You were it out and about, dress it up and down and it is always your go to piece. But sometimes when you love something so much, you wear it out. You notice the color fading or there's a snag at the hem. Not wanting to give up your love you repair it, and except it at face value, and continue going on. Even though we fix and fix, and love more and more, we can't fix damage beyond repair. You have to say goodbye the that piece of fabric you had loved so much and move on. You'll still have the memories, and though the perfect shoes to go with it may catch your eye from time to time, you just have to smile and move on.

So everyone out there, keeping smiling. And just move on.~ Kat Zappe

Comme Des Enfants (Like Children)

Hello Kiddies! Yes I am extremely sorry for taking a months long hiatus, and I am sorry I don't have a great excuse like I was trapped in a mine, or I was off galavanting with my dashing man. I really don't have an excuse at all so for shame on me.

So anyway, summer. Mmm, why is it when I think summer I think peaches and cotton. Not like the cotton fluff  in fields but nice smooth, soft, simple cotton pressed and made into t-shirts and summer dresses. I seem to have a theme with this blog always talking about yester year, but doesn't remind you all of Woodstock? Summer of love and life. I think that's what all summer should be about that. People coming together for one common reason. Although I think we can leave the nudity and illegal substances at home and just have a good sober time for all.

I think it was when 1999 hit when summer started becoming different for people. Children 10 and under it still means the same, but that age is rapidly lowering. Kids aren't allowed to be kids anymore. With all that darn media propoganda and technology bombarding them it's a wonder that they get to be kids at all. Now my generation, I'll call us 'Generation Huh?', we too are growing up to fast. Since when did the term 13 going on 30 become so literal? Yes, especially my generation, we have to buck up, ship up and ship out, we need to be taking on more adult things. But even so, we aren't graduated yet. Let us hold on the precious few seconds we have before life becomes a blur, formed from bills, car payments and pention plans. Adults (and by adults I'm talking 30- 40s here, I'm sorry you 20 somethings, but you have as little of a clue of what you are doing as the 17-19 year olds do) are pushing there adult views down the impressionable faces of the impending future, and with out knowing better, we are taking what they are saying and doing for what we too should be doing. Now 'Generation Huh?', listen to your guts here! Do what YOU think is right! Make choices that YOU will have to live by and abide. It's our futures we are talking about here! It isn't theirs anymore. You're off to great places, you're off and away!
~ Kat Zappe

Life Is What Happens When You Are Busy Making Other Plans

So end of the year, end of an era. Beginning of an end in a way. The last year of high school is upon me and I don't quite know what to make of it yet. My feelings remain bittersweet on the subject. I am so longing to be gone, far away from this piece of suburbian pie of Alberta, to be my own person and do whatever it is I've been wanting to do. But, I don't exactly know what it is I want to do. And what I'm most hesitant of, most unwilling to except, is saying goodbye. Saying goodbye to this town, no matter how much I don't seem to fit. Saying goodbye to my family even though at times I want to say good riddence. Saying goodbye to friends, some I know it's better to part, and others I will miss forever. And saying goodbye to that special someone. Whether they are picking up and leaving you or you are walking away from them.I think that's the hardest goodbye to say of them all. Saying goodbye to someone you love, under any circumstances.

When did growing up get to be so hard? And why the heck do we want it so badly? We want to grow up and grow up, get through one school to go to another, move through another year so we can get closer to the coveted age of adulthood. We move ahead so fast we forget to look around, stop and enjoy the flowers if you will. Cause, and this might just be me, but once you hit 15 or 16, life seems to pick up at full speed. I miss the childhood days. When making mistakes were apart of learning and coloring books were okay! (Yes, I still have a colorbook that I still use, wanna fight about it?)

When I think about growing up, I think about this poem in the book 'Perks of Being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky. It goes a little something like this.Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year that Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.

Okay I know this sound really morbid, but does it remind you, even slightly of what growing up is? Getting rid of the childhood, whether you want to or not? Have people remove their kid gloves around you, and start treating you like an adult. But adulthood, doesn't have to be as we think it has to be. Try to incorrirate your inner kid once in awhile. All hope won't seem lost.
~Kat ZappE

Leave Me Alone I'm Lonely

So I took a little field trip today. Maybe you've experienced this before. I took a field trip - by myself. Scary ain't it? The whole going in it alone. I had former plans but the house was bringing me down being alone. And why pass up an opportunity to go outside in Alberta on day where it's +25 celicus? So I went out. First with my dog so I wouldn't be totally alone. Warm breeze on my legs and I was trucking along. I went to the spot I would have gone to today. I sat there and soaked up some rains on my unusually pasty skin. Just sat. No book, magazine, mp3 or phone ( I wanted to ignore it). Just some random girl sitting on a hill laying on the grass with her white fuzzy dog rolling around in the grass. It felt nice. So nice in fact I ditched the dog at home and took a bike ride to the convenience store, and sat and read a Rolling Stone and ate a candy bar. People I knew walked in asking what I was doing and who I was there with. I said myself. All of a sudden I felt like I had to check like I hadn't grown a giant zit or something because the look was weird. And the AWW of that poor lonely girl who has no friends thing people do when they find out that you are alone. Oh no. I assure you I have friends. I didn't need the AWW coo.

When did making the choice to having me time become so wrong? It's like this foreign thing that people are terrified of. Because being alone equates to you having no friends, nothing better to do or you're sad. I personally think everyone should take what I like to call a 'Mental Health Day'. Be alone for a day! Okay, that may sounds drastic to some of you, so maybe a small dosage of a couple hours. Try it. Be alone, have a day where you don't have to worry about school, bills, family, work; anything.
Be kind, and have a You Day today
~Kat ZappE

Back In My Day...

Hello there one and all! I do apologize for not writing. I'd going to be cliche and say I was busy. Which matter of fact I was. Life is topsy turvey. But that's no real excuse, so my deepest apologizes.

I've been experiencing some flu like symptoms as of late, so I've been locked away in my house watching old movie after old movie. When not all of them all old movies, but they are all period pieces. The Picture of Dorian Gray (the original), The Black Dahlia, Peter Pan, Passchendaele, Revolutionary Road. In case you could tell I'm crazy about film. And all these movies have in commom is that they are set in a time where life was simplier. When life was glamorous. My favorites of Peter Pan, Passchendaele and Dorian Grey take place around the time of the Great War, or even a little before. People took the time they had and had fun with it while they could.

Now what happened to that sentiment these days? People these days don't even take the time to call, or even bother to set up a meeting to see you face to face. Now, I am not a technology basher at all. I'm using this site aren't I? But what happened to the good old days before hanging out was on Skype and before your relationship got serious before Facebook said so?
Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong decade. I wish I was born when parties where classy, and going to the movies or travelling by airplane were a big important deal. To wear pearls simply because that's what one does. To be Audrey Hepburn because everyone knew her by name and LBDs where NBD. What happened to the good old days? Whatever happened to Fay Wray?
~ Kat ZappE

And With A Dash Of Lace...

Fascinators. Simply fascinating no? With a look of a stylish girl with a feathered, beaded, or a headband with a great giant bloom on top brings me back to a time of glamour. I am transported to a place, a cocktail party or an extravagent wedding (think Kate and Will's tying the knot), an old culture that really shouldn't have been forgotten.

I am currently up for an event myself. My dear boyfriend is graduating this June and I am his date ;) But I can't be out done by the other girls in their poufy ballgowns, sparkles and and bouffants. I will be sporting a Marilyn Monroe, 7 Year Itch inspired coral red dress from Anthropologie and now a custom made/ homemade, fascinator. Add a touch of Hollywood glamour to an otherwise clique Albertan grad ceremony. The fascinator, with a pearl beaded veil, oversized white flower and studded beads a long the headband will be an gorgeous addition to the outfit of 50s-esque sass. Oh how I wish I was born in another decade, where the clothes were classy, and glamour events were always upon us. Oh well. Might as well spice up this decade ;)~Kat ZappE

(My fascinator DIY helping hand)http://blog.modcloth.com/2011-05-26-a-diy-fascination-with-fascinators

The Technicolour Dream Coat

Today began with the yellow trench coat. Taking a glance at it your mood is brightened. Perfect for such a dreary day. I feel like an international spy with it covering me (not an undercover one mind you, I can't think of an undercover agent with a bright yellow trench coat). The coat as a perfect pick me up, the day went on, as to reflect the weather outside.
Last bell rings, I'm waiting around for my Val Pal (best friends need awesome names) and my favorite teacher happens to notice me and tell me to pop by his room. An X-student of his is here who travels everywhere and anywhere is talking to people about taking a year off after high school and travelling abroad. I don't exactly know what my future has in store, and sitting in can't hurt. I wait up for my Val Pal, and we both sit in. Fortunately (for me, not so much for poor Mr. M who wanted more than 2 people listening to this girl), Val Pal and I got a lot of questions in, and it was rather interesting. But leaves me more confused. Fearless as I may seem, being as far as say Florence Italy, seems daunting and too big for even myself. But now, it is most definitely an option. I think the possibility of fashion, history, and discovery could be on my horizon. Fashionista brings new style to style captitals of the world. I could see that ;)
~ Kat ZappE

In the beginning...

Well this is new. To put my words to everyone out there willing to read. Well kudos for checking this out. I thank you. This blog is for fashion. This blog is for life. This blog is for my fellow highschool kids who don't really fit in a clique. This blog is for everything under the sun. No exceptions.
So if anything this is an introduction to a new beginning. Let us two drifters off to see the world go see it together, for there is such a lot of world to see. So, Hello and thank you. I hope we enjoy the ride together ;)

 ~Kat ZappE